tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 10, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EST
record for highest pancake toss? no. that belongs to me. 14 feet. knock on that, ashrita. have a great weekend, america. jimmy kimmel is next. tonight, on "jimmy kimmel live." >> last night, oprah was here. you missed it. she gave everyone in the audience a house. >> steven tyler. >> last night, i think the after-party, i feel someone grab my ass. and it's cloris leachman. >> harvey weinstein. >> meryl streep called you god. >> that is true. >> and music from melanie fiona. >> i wanted to portray hitler in a way he was meant to be portrayed.
whatcha lookin' for hon? ah, these new jeans i want. i've been looking everywywhere. new blue jeans? oh, don'be crazy, i've got tons of blue jeans. frank! frank! get mymy jean bin, susie wants my jeans. no she doesn't. here we go. nice and loose. ohhh. those are loose, but i actually just ordered three pairs of this kind. ooooohhhh. oh. when it's on your mind, it's on ebay.
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- steven tyler. harvey weinstein. and music from melanie fiona. with cleto and the cletones. and, now, first and foremost, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. that's very nice. thank you. [ cheers and applause ]
thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. hello. thank you for watching. i'm glad to have you with us. i had a crazy dream last night. i dreamt that we had oprah on the show. [ laughter ] and not only that, that she liked me. last night, oprah was here. you missed it. she gave everyone in the audience a house. [ laughter ] and then, after the show, she opened a bottle of tequila and we all did shots. for real. that i am not making up. guillermo, you went home, you missed the whole thing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you would have loved it. >> i know. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] the only shots i ever imagined i'd get from oprah were coming out of a gun. last night, we had our seventh annual special after the academy awards. it was a lot of fun. somehow, we managed to get the words "black hitler" and "dr. va-jayjay" trending on twitter worldwide. i can now check off my bucket list.
the academy awards -- those of you in the studio know, take place right across the street from us. yesterday, we were surrounded by glitz and glamour. today, we got the sound of forklifts backing up. good-bye, brad pitt. welcome back, twitchy guy in a spider-man outfit. [ cheers and applause ] he's out there, right? there are four of them. the big winner last night was the silent film "the artist." it took home five awards. it won best picture. there were nine films nominated for best picture. after watching the show last night, i'm thinking about maybe seeing some of them. [ laughter ] people, today, are talking about angelina jolie's dress, which showed off none of one leg and all of the other leg. she's very thin. you know, uggie, the dog from "the artist"? uggie was behind her on the red carpet. he didn't know whether to hump her leg or bury it. [ laughter and applause ] this is true. they had to put an oscar in each of her hands to keep her from flying away.
[ laughter ] the most tivo'd, according to tivo, moment of the night was what appeared to be jennifer lopez's nipple which came -- i don't know. i looked at it the. i paused it. i got right up to the tv. i put my mouth right up against -- i still don't know if it was or not. it may have been the measles or something. maybe steven tyler will know. he works with j. lo. i'll make it a point to find out. by god, we will get to the bottom of those nipples tonight. [ laughter and applause ] this is really great. there was an oscar gifting suite at the beverly hills hotel. this is basically, it's a hotel room where celebrities go to get free things. it's embarrassing. i think every year it goes on. local fox tv reporter lisa breckinridge was on-hand to do a live report from this gifting suite. she had a surprising encounter with the legendary creature known as gary busey. >> you come here. you get some fun stuff and you're able to support this
cause. are you having a lot of oscar parties? >> you're asking me questions with two questions and that's not fair. >> okay. >> the reason i'm here is to understand what the power of giving means. >> gary, thank you so much. enjoy your -- >> we're not finished yet. >> we're not? >> this kind of coffee gives you a good advantage without being spun out or -- going like that. the wine matters. the fact that you guys are doing it, that matters to heart of the taster. >> i'm totally lost control -- go ahead. >> hey, if you think fast food is hitting a deer 60 miles an hour, you're not eating right. >> okay. >> you know who's excited this one. >> i'll tell you what. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's -- [ cheers and applause ] i'd like to see him host the oscars one year. [ laughter ] no one makings a casual gathering into a hostage situation quite like gary busey.
the acceptance speech people were talking about was the one made by jean desjardins, who won best actor. it sounded like he said the f-word in his speech. a reporter asked him what he said. >> at the end of your acceptance speech, did you perhaps drop the french equivalent of the f-word? [ speaking foreign language ] >> i said it's amazing. it's incredible. it's unbelievable. thank you, um -- [ speaking foreign language ] [ bleep ] >> ah. ah. uh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and that's why they made the movie silent. [ cheers and applause ] "the artist" is still in theaters. they should get a boost from the oscar wins, at the box office. there's a new version of the movie coming out. sometimes when a movie comes out and it's popular, they'll
release an enhanced version to get people to go see it again. they're releasing a version of "the artist" with dialogue now and with a slightly revised title too. >> i'm smarter than you. i'm richer than you. and my pants are made of unicorn skin. i love jewish people. >> me, too. >> hey, doll. i support your right to vote. i invented that car. and i also invented the ipad. i once struck out babe ruth blindfolded. >> i think this guy is full of [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's it. he's become very arrogant since he won the academy award. very arrogant. you know, a lot of awards were handed out last night. if you don't mind, i'd like to take a moment to honor some actors whose achievements didn't get recognized by the academy. the oscars focus on actors who appear in movies. but i think the most impressive performances sometimes come from people in their everyday lives.
so, tonight, it's time to present the coveted award for best actor in real life. [ applause ] our nominees are herman cain. >> i have never sexually harassed anyone. >> jimmy: anthony weiner. >> i did not send that tweet. my system was hacked. i was pranked. >> jimmy: kim kardashian. >> to have and to hold from this day forward. >> till death do us part. >> till death do us part. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: snooki. >> i mean, i only had like a couple glasses of wine, you know, once a week. >> jimmy: and oprah. >> i had admired jimmy for a long time. and so, i was excited to be asked. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i just want to say, good luck to all the nominees.
you're all very deserving. and the envelope, please. and the winner is -- kim kardashian! [ cheers and applause ] congratulations to kim. i guess this means kris humphries should get supporting actor nod, too. [ laughter ] congratulations to both of them. while everyone's gussied up in hollywood, in north brunswick, new jersey, all eyes were being focussed on the 69th annual u.s. open of bowling. pete weber, as you probably know, won is for a record fifth time, which is a major accomplishment. pete was, to say the least, excited. >> strike to claim it. a strike to claim it. and he got it. >> are you kidding me? that's right. who do you think you are? i am.
get it right. >> jimmy: hold on a second. what did he say at the end there? can we play the end back? just the end part back? >> that's right. who do you think you are? i am. get it right. >> jimmy: who do you think you are? i am. get it right. i don't know what that means. i know what i do know, though. i've said this before. bowlers are a very passionate people. speaking of passion, we had a new episode of "the bachelor" tonight on abc. bachelor ben narrowed the field from three to two. he eliminated nicki, which means that lindzi and the nefarious courtney remain. courtney is the villain this year. people really hate her. they say she's just trying to seduce ben to win. which isn't that the point of the show? what am i missing? it's not like they ever get married. you don't see people on "the
amazing race" going, all you care about winning is the race. the race. so, we're two weeks away now from bachelor ben selecting his lady. and nine weeks away from them breaking up. one more thing, back to the movies for a moment. last night, we world premiered the trailer for "movie: the movie." this is something we've been working on for quite a while. if you haven't seen it, you can check it out on youtube or hulu or abc.com. the biggest, most star-studded trailer for a nonexistence film we ever made. and while we were shooting it, we asked the stars to talk about their craft. and we put it all together for you. i think you'll like this. as we pull back the curtain on "movie: the movie." enjoy. >> hello. i'm "bachelor party's" tom hanks. here's a behind-the-scenes look at "movie: the movie." ♪ ♪ freedom
>> "movie: the movie" is a celebration of life. it's a celebration of laughter. it's a celebration of actors who, frankly, don't get celebrated enough. besides the oscars and the emmys and golden globes and peoples choice awards. independent spirit awards. s.a.g. awards. kids choice awards. i mean, when do we get accolades? >> well, the costumes were quite hard to work in. you know, there were so many. so you think, crikey. >> crikey, what fun is this, eh, cut. >> why are you mocking my accent? >> because it's fake. about time we end the charade. >> it's not fake. i'm from london. >> i'm from london. >> you can be a real [ bleep ] sometimes. >> a real [ bleep ], come on. >> in my neighborhood, when people say "black swan," there's only two words they think of, don cheadle. >> definitely, i've never worked with anybody more intense than don cheadle.
>> monitor. i think you guys are -- you need it closer. come in really tight. just get in there tight. get in there tight. oscar. oscar. >> wieners here. everybody's got to have a wiener. you know, anytime someone calls and says do you want to work with wieners, i'm in, because i'm a big fan of the wiener. it doesn't matter if it's a german wiener. israeli wiener. could be an african wiener. it doesn't matter. i'm there because they're juicy and they're tasty beyond belief. >> i like to do a lot of practical jokes on set. i told jessica alba that these interviews were actually a wedding video for my friend samantha and kyle. >> hi, samantha and kyle. it's jessica alba. >> once you go black hitler, you never go back hitler. the role of black hitler meant a lot to me. i wanted to portray hitler as a way he was always meant to be
portrayed. as a proud woman of color. >> you're out of order. well, if you scratch an actor, you're going to find a storyteller. and that's what all great movies are, stories told by storytellers. and in this case -- mm, this frank smells delicious. it must be a hanks' frank. >> hanks' franks. >> i'm sorry, tom. we can't show the product. we can't show the product. >> what do you mean we can't show the product? >> we can't show it. we talked -- >> read my contract. turns out the h-bomb always brings the -- >> who's the h-bomb? >> who's the h-bomb? who are you talking to? >> a power film is boundless and really knows no bounds. it inspires millions of people constantly, past 100 years,
really. became the american art form. nothing like film to bring people together, really, in an emotional and psychological effect on audiences and change their -- i mean, not this picture. this picture's terrible. terrible. other pictures. other movies. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: academy award nominations, all around, i say. we have a good show tonight. movie mogul harvey weinstein is here. we have music from the lovely melanie fiona. and we'll be right back with steven tyler. so, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] sergio! christina! question for you. what factors led you to buy your explorer. definitely the ecoboost option. what's pretty amazing is that you can get the fuel economy of a car in an suv.
that basically did it for us. and the technology... oh, my goodness, the technology is amazing. everything is touch. you can actually talk to the car and it talks back to you. what have your friends said about your explorer? can we drive it? can we borrow it? what's your answer? no. no way. uh uh. (laugh) so, i get claritin clear. non-drowsy claritin relieves my worst symptoms. and only claritin is proven to keep me as alert and focused as someone without allergies. whoa ! watch your step ! thanks ! live claritin clear. not financially. so we switched to the bargain detergent and i found myself using three times more than they say to and the clothes still weren't as clean as with tide. so we're back to tide. they're cuter in clean clothes. that's my tide. what's yours? [ male announcer ] tonight, we only entertain the extraordinary, the genuine, and the remarkable. because tonight will never happen again.
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cia ciao! dude!? she was talkin' to me. they're never talking to you. -what? -never. [ male announcer ] get to subway pronto for our fresh takes on italian. like the delizioso italian b.m.t., and the molto bono chicken parmesan. subway. eat fresh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome back. tonight on the show, his company won eight academy awards last night. harvey weinstein is here to give us one of them. and then a grammy-winning artist with music from this album that comes out march 20th. it's called "the mf life." melanie fiona from the bud light stage. tomorrow night we'll be joined by a new member of the cast of "dancing with the stars," which will be announced tomorrow morning on "good morning america." and we don't know who it will be
yet but we'll find out. and we'll have music from mat kearney. and later this week ed helms, joan rivers, leslie bibb, music from wallpaper and nicki minaj. so, join us for those. if you missed our after the academy awards special last night, you can see a special rebroadcast of it in primetime on thursday night at 9:00. we have oprah and more new behind-the-scenes footage from "movie: the movie." that's this thursday night at 9:00 here on abc. also, more importantly, i have a new family member i want to announce. i want to congratulate my brother, jon, and his wife, carly, on the birth of their new baby beatrix, beatrix kimmel. they're calling her trixie, which we called my aunt chippy to tell her and she hates the name. she says it's a circus name. even though her name is chippy. so, welcome, trixie, to the family circus. over the years, our first guest and his band aerosmith have taught us which way to walk, what emotion should taste
like. so many things. now he lends his experience and expertise to talented young karaoke singers as judge on "american idol." please welcome the one and only steven tyler. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] that's very nice. what a showman. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi. how are you? >> jimmy: what, are you made out of hats? that's when you know you got money, when you can just throw your hat into the audience. >> wait a minute -- >> jimmy: by the way, that's going to look great on you. [ laughter ] put that on because i can't think of anyone that would rather have that hat than you. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, chelsea. hi, taj. >> jimmy: who is here you know?
who is here that you know? taj is your son, right? >> they're all home in boston. i go knock on that screen and wake them up. wake up. >> jimmy: how old are they? >> ah -- okay. taj is 20, chelsea's 22. >> jimmy: they're sleeping already, huh? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: your kids should be up till like, 6:00, 7:00 in the morning every night, shouldn't they? >> you'd think. >> jimmy: are they like you? are they chips off the old block? >> it's interesting how far it actually falls, the fruit from the tree. >> jimmy: is that right? >> well, i mean, you know, lawyers and doctors had kids like me. and artists like me have artists for children. >> jimmy: that is kind of true. >> i mean, liv is definitely carrying the torch. mia is, she just had an art show. chelsea's in love. and taj is at school. >> jimmy: all right. well, that's it. what is he studying, taj? >> how to go to college. >> jimmy: how to go to college. >> whatever he -- first year at college kid does. >> jimmy: i got you. drinking out of a pitcher instead of a mug is what they
study. >> girls -- >> jimmy: thank you for providing the soundtrack to "movie: the movie." you did a wonderful job. [ cheers and applause ] >> please. >> jimmy: that coat you wore in the video, that's, like, the coat you wore in the "armageddon" video, right? >> it is, it is. i took it out of lockup. >> jimmy: i like you have coats you wear specifically for meteor-type situations. and, in fact, the lyrics were, "because freedom is a meteor, than a meteor of freedom, and if you just believe you're going to win, you'll defeat that meatier meteor of freedom." i think you could win an oscar for this. >> i love those lyrics. it could have been, i don't want to kiss your thing, the other movie. another favorite lyric is, the buzz you be getting from the crack don't last, i'd rather be o.d.'ing on the crack of yo ass. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: you performed at the oscars, right? >> i did. >> jimmy: what song did you sing there? >> "don't want to miss a thing." >> jimmy: and you were nominated at the time. >> yeah. and you know, we were rehearsing. and it was right up to the last minute. and we were the first act on. and i walked all the way backstage, you know, 'cause i had a reveal where i walked out to a guy playing cello. i tapped on the mic. no mic. mic dead. >> jimmy: great. >> i said, do not open that curtain. and meanwhile, out there is madonna and eric clapton and just as i said those words, they opened it. >> jimmy: and you're out there with a dead microphone. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> i started real slow. by the time i got up there, the first verse was over. "with hopes." so, i just -- i ripped my ears out and i went for it. i couldn't hear. see, there was no -- >> jimmy: you didn't rip your actual ears out. that would have been -- >> i ripped out my ears. >> jimmy: quite a showman.
i sacrificed my ears for the oscars. >> i sacrificed a whole lot more. >> jimmy: did you win that year? >> no. >> jimmy: who did you lose to? do you remember? >> i don't remember. >> jimmy: you block that kind of thing out. >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: i saw you on oprah's first special. >> isn't that great? >> jimmy: that interview. that was great. i liked seeing your house. [ cheers and applause ] >> oprah at my house. >> jimmy: were you nervous about oprah coming over? >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: did you clean up extra? >> you know, it's a country house. so, we put some flowers in the just right places and -- >> jimmy: i see. when you took oprah out into the woods -- >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she has -- i have to believe that somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought, he's probably going to have sex with me. i mean, he's probably -- >> i know, that's exactly what she's thinking. no, i set it up. she wanted to know where i got my spirituality. i said, in the woods. you know, i saw this place in the woods where the sun was
coming through. and i'm walking around, my slingshot at 9 years old. it was an area where there was ledge. just nothing but a ledge. and moss was growing on it. so, i -- it was so quiet in there, i thought i heard something called the children of the woods. and it was my first spiritual -- all jokes aside here, you know, moment. and i've always been writing songs that try to get back to that moment. >> jimmy: and have you heard the children of the woods since? >> i've heard them in my songs, for sure. >> jimmy: but you've not heard them in the woods? >> you know what -- >> jimmy: you should probably call the police. >> -- it's in the silence. that's happened, too. got to sit down, you know, with me i mean you saw it. >> jimmy: i did. you got out of bed. you jumped right in the water. is that something you did for the cameras? or that's something you do all the time? >> i said, this is how i'm going to wake up. be standing right there at 6:30. the alarm went -- and i walked down the steps and dropped the robe and jumped in. >> jimmy: didn't even stop to to the bathroom. you probably used the lake for that.
>> in the lake. yes, i did. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you because perhaps you know, j. lo last night on the oscar broadcast. did you see this? if you look closely here at her cleavage, which i'm sure you've done before, you can almost see something there. a lot of people believe -- will you inspect this as an expert? >> i will so inspect this because i know exactly what you're talking about. >> jimmy: tell us what -- >> and what it looks like. that would -- [ laughter ] not be it. >> jimmy: that is not it. >> that's not it. >> jimmy: how do you know? have you seen it? >> i went to -- >> jimmy: you're sure it's not it? >> i went to that school. >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break. steven tyler. "american idol" wednesdays and thursdays at 8:00 on fox with a bonus episode airing tomorrow night. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] sometimes a man must venture out from the shallow end
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people that actually won, were they your kind of people? >> they were a couple freaks from atlanta. >> jimmy: oh, they were. >> no, no, he was a businessman. he was there with his girlfriend. he said that she'd been a fan of mine, you know, for 20-odd years. and then she reached and put her number in my pocket. so -- >> jimmy: did she really? >> no, no. >> jimmy: i never know. >> it was a beautiful night. >> jimmy: that must go on with you all the time. how many people have put their number -- given you their phone number? >> that, a lot. >> jimmy: women, a lot? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: when you say a lot because -- i know you're going to think i'm joking. but i swear to god it's happened to me one time in my whole life, once. how many for you? you know, i would say 30, 40, 50. >> jimmy: oh, come -- thousands? >> yeah. no, i get this more. more than anything. >> jimmy: you get squeezed? >> last night at the after-party, i'm standing there talking to a good friend of
mine, and erin brady, my girlfriend, soon to be wife. i feel someone grab my ass and it's cloris leachman of all people. and i love her. i love her. but getting back to the elton thing. i went to elton john's party last year. and i donated a lot of money for aids because you know there's 44 million people -- >> jimmy: i thought you were against aids. >> i am against aids. >> jimmy: okay. all right. >> i am all for the world, you know, learning a little bit more about it. so, this year i bought a table. and i gave two of the tickets away as charity. but there was an auction online. so, i made 30 grand last night for that. >> jimmy: nice, very nice. that's great. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: your fiance, erin, as you mentioned, did you know when you're getting married? >> i don't know but, trust me, lights will flicker -- on the planet -- >> jimmy: do you have a date for the wedding? why would you get married? of all people, why would you get married? >> because i love her.
>> jimmy: you know -- >> i love her. i love her. she dressed me tonight. thank you. >> jimmy: did she really? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. she lays your clothes out? >> we're birds of a feather. so you just wanted to settle down. >> yeah. >> jimmy: will there be a bachelor party? >> that's when the lights will flicker on the planet about 11:30. >> jimmy: what could you do at a bachelor party that you haven't already -- i mean, really. >> it, again. >> jimmy: who would be -- >> because it was so good the first time. remember? >> jimmy: that seems like the most pressure in the world to throw you a bachelor party. i mean, really. i can't even imagine what you would do. first of all -- >> he can. >> jimmy: strip you naked -- >> the band can. >> jimmy: he threw me a bachelor's party at his uncle's apartment in las vegas. we sat on the floor and drank a 15-pack of stroh's and then went home. so -- [ cheers and applause ] he made it look -- no, it is not. who's going to be in charge of
that? do you have a best man? will there be a group of best men? >> probably elton. i'll give him a call. throw me a party. >> jimmy: may not be the bachelor party you're wanting, though. you might get a whole different kind of bachelor party. well, maybe that's a good way -- >> he might get my drift. >> jimmy: the guys from aerosmith, you're recording an album right now, right? >> as we speak. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you going to go on tour? you're going to go on tour together? >> we are. march, april, may. june 15 to 18th we hit the road. >> jimmy: that's great. i think that probably those guys are a little nervous that it wouldn't work out and that "idol" would interfere with your band duties. but you are keeping up with your band duties. >> they were bummed i didn't tell them first. >> jimmy: they're over it now? >> i think so. it brought up aerosmith sales 270%. >> jimmy: wow. >> i mean, "idol's" the biggest show on tv. >> jimmy: everyone's getting along? >> everyone's getting along. >> jimmy: they are? >> oh, yeah.
>> jimmy: do you think it will go all the way through the tour? or should people wait the day before their city? >> no, no, no. the band -- look it, you know, no secret, i had a lot of foot operations. i was back on drugs again. we did a tour with zz top. i fell off the stage because of that. the guys were angry at me. rightfully so. but i'm back and i'm on fire. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there he is. steven tyler, everyone. he's on fire. "american idol" wednesday and thursdays on fox. there's a bonus episode tomorrow night. we'll be right back with harvey weinstein. [ cheers and applause ] [train whistle blowing] we're here because we wanted to come as much as they did. (girl) it's really hogwarts! because i can fly with harry! because i love seeing him like this! (screaming) ahhhhh! (narrator) from unforgettable adventures to the wizarding world of harry potter,
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please say hello to harvey weinstein. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. you must love monday mornings after the oscars because you always seem to win about 30 of them. >> we stay up all night, too, which is even better. >> jimmy: how many have you won so far? >> we've been nominated for 303. and we've won 90. >> jimmy: 90. [ cheers and applause ] wow. and yet, when you don't win you probably still get mad, right? >> we still stay up all night. >> jimmy: you still get angry. >> and we still party. >> jimmy: did you celebrate? >> we celebrated with about 1,000 people. first, we started at the governor's ball which is very polite and nice. then, we went to our place which is crazy and raucous.
then, "vanity fair" which is elegant. then madonna's party. >> jimmy: at madonna's party? where did madonna have a party? >> at her manager's house. >> jimmy: oh, really? was she there at the party? >> she was there at the party. she did the halftime show from the super bowl. >> jimmy: i'm familiar with her work. [ laughter ] she did it again for you guys? >> she did it again. 110 million people watching. >> jimmy: you worked with madonna as a matter of fact. >> yes. >> jimmy: when you work with madonna, i would imagine the two of you are maybe kind of similar in a way, it seems, perhaps. >> i just learn to say yes, ma'am. >> jimmy: oh, you did? i want to go through some of the things. madonna called you at the golden globes last month the punisher. >> this was after she won the golden globe. >> jimmy: why did she call you the punisher? >> because i make these actors and actresses and songwriters and directors, like madonna is, do publicity and promote their movie. madonna made a movie called
"weed" this year we distributed. anybody else makes that movie, joe smith makes that movie, jimmy kimmel directs that movie, it's a four star movie. because madonna's so controversial, she has to work a little harder. so, she thought i was punishing her. not true. >> jimmy: meryl streep called you god. >> that is true. >> jimmy: that's -- it's got to be hard to keep your ego in check when meryl streep is calling you god. >> at the 4:00 in the morning the next day, "the artist" also won best comedy. so, i had to do the "today" show and while she called me god, my four kids were texting and e-mailing me going, ha, ha. dad, you'll pay for this sunday at forever 21 at the mall. this is going to cost you. so, all the french guys from "the artist" were supposed to go on the "today" show and be on the show to celebrate their victory. and they're french. you know, we couldn't find one, you know, jean desjardins was
dancing on a table. talking to pretty girls and saying let me show you how i did that tap number. the other guys were out drinking champagne. i said to all of them, i'll see you at 4:00 in the morning. i couldn't find anybody. so, it's me. i'm thinking, i'm god. i'm sitting at the table on the "today" show. and they've got uggie the dog next to me. all of a sudden, uggie's to the bathroom. i'm going, yeah, god, huh. it was a short-lived reign of deity. there was no god. >> jimmy: the family doesn't go along with the god thing, huh? >> the family, nor the dog. >> jimmy: now this is a photograph of you and your wife who's a very famous clothing designer. and who's spectacularly beautiful. georgina chapman. does she dress you? because i want to ask you about this particular photo. it looks like your pants are dragging on the ground there. >> that's kind of like the photo that, you know, made her go to england and help design suits. and i'm so fashionably challenged which proves that opposites are attracted. because there are 27 suits of
the same color that -- i don't even have to do anything. the shirt, the suit, it's all laid out. >> jimmy: it's all there for you. >> i feel like exactly like 8 years old. if i ever do an audio, i mean, whatever, if i call a new play, i usually end up wearing like a really lousy t-shirt. and then her friends came over and say, i'm really embarrassed. >> jimmy: now, that you're with her, you have to -- you could embarrass her with what you're wearing. >> you know, holding her handbag, you know, i mean it's good for me. >> jimmy: do you feel like people are scared of you in the movie business? >> i don't think so, no. i think it's the image more than -- you know, we've been successful. we've had ups and downs. we've been successful. but we fight for what we believe in. and today, when you fight for what you believe in, you get like the critics are so, you know, whiny and whatever that anybody who stands up for what they believe, you know, whatever they criticize you. and that's where the reputation comes, not from your peers. >> jimmy: you don't mean the movie critic because, by and
large, the film critics -- well, you won the oscar. >> the film critics like the movie. but sometimes, you know, they talk about the company. you know, i mean, you know, listen. i grew up as a new york knick fan. sitting and watching michael jordan and the chicago bulls beat us every year, i mean, whenever you get tired of it after a while. so, i understand that kind of fatigue. >> jimmy: i got you. now -- >> not that i'm michael jordan. >> jimmy: last night you had meryl reep and michelle williams both nominated. both were in your films for best actress. how do you handle that? >> i was hoping for a tie. that would have been nice. had been ties. barbra streisand and katharine hepburn actually tied. barbra streisand for "funny girl" and "lion in winter." >> jimmy: who did you vote for in that category? >> both. >> jimmy: you eliminated your own vote -- >> i get two ballots. >> jimmy: how many tickets do you get to the oscar show? >> the oscar show's like the super bowl. it's really hard to get tickets. it's all on a lottery system. yesterday, the academy did
something really sweet. as a father of four daughters, there's a policeman in new york, his name is pete, he was the most decorated policeman in new york city. on his off day, on a day that he was off, there was a robbery that broke out in brooklyn. and he avoided the robbery, saved all these people. but he was shot and killed by one of the assailants. and he had four daughters. i just said to steve, let's take these girls to the super bowl. i mean, and they'd never been on an airplane before. i took them with my daughters. i said, let's take them to the oscars, too. and madonna took a picture with them at halftime at the super bowl. she kept calling me, you're about to go in front of 410 million people. said, i wanted to take picture with the kids. last night, meryl streep was more concerned about those kids than she was about winning. there's a great picture. >> jimmy: so, you're not a monster after all. [ applause ] well, congratulations. great to have you here. very interesting to talk to you. keep making great movies. harvey weinstein, everyone. "the artist" still in theaters.
pete, did you forget yours? me pete, me use pen! (laughter) sorry i'm late, i s in the 16th century looking for pete's pen. (laughter) guys, guys. take it easy, ok? pete's mom is videochatting me, and she wants her pen back! ok, alright, well. i just got one. so... yeah, you've got a little... yep, i can feel the wet patch. don't look at it. when it's on your mind, it's on ebay.
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forthcoming cd. it comes out march 20th. it's called "the mf life." here with the song "4 am," melanie fiona. ♪ sitting here feeling kinda crazy but not just any crazy ♪ ♪ it's the kind you feel when you love somebody ♪ ♪ and i know that my baby is calling somebody else baby ♪ ♪ and i can't sit still look how gone it got me ♪ ♪ who knew that my heart could have a bruise ♪ ♪ you see this scar here on my chest ♪ ♪ i'm hurting and he don't even care ♪ ♪ it's 4:00 a.m. and my lover won't answer ♪ ♪ he's probably somewhere
with a dancer ♪ ♪ sippin' champagne while i'm in his bed ♪ ♪ it's 4:00 a.m. and i think i might lose it ♪ ♪ this [ bleep ] thinking i'm stupid ♪ ♪ damn, he must have bumped his head ♪ ♪ don't he know it's 4:00 a.m. ♪ ♪ standing here and i'm getting heated ♪ ♪ pour me up a drink i swear i need it ♪ ♪ i think i'm about about to hurt somebody ♪ ♪ swear this man is begging me to leave him ♪ ♪ getting sick of being so mistreated ♪ ♪ another night without without his arms around me ♪ ♪ who knew that my heart could have a bruise ♪
♪ you see this scar here on my chest ♪ ♪ i'm hurting and he don't even care ♪ ♪ it's 4:00 a.m. and my lover won't answer ♪ ♪ he's probably somewhere with a dancer ♪ ♪ sippin' champagne while i'm in his bed ♪ ♪ it's 4:00 a.m. and i think i might lose it ♪ ♪ this [ bleep ] thinking i'm stupid ♪ ♪ damn, he must have bumped his head ♪ ♪ don't he know it's 4:00 a.m. ♪ ♪ i don't deserve this life i'd make the perfect wife ♪ ♪ and i know love's a sacrifice ♪ ♪ but who's gonna sacrifice for me ♪ ♪ and give me
all their time now ♪ ♪ it's 4:00 a.m. and my lover won't answer ♪ ♪ he's probably somewhere with a dancer ♪ ♪ sippin' champagne while i'm in his bed ♪ ♪ it's 4:00 a.m. and i think i might lose it ♪ ♪ this man must be thinking i'm stupid ♪ ♪ damn, he must have bumped his head ♪ ♪ don't he know it's 4:00 a.m. ♪ ♪ sitting here feeling kinda crazy ♪ ♪ but not just any crazy it's the kind you feel ♪ ♪ when you love somebody ♪ [ cheers and applause ]